About Thaire
Core counselling skills
I work night shifts as a concierge, and alongside that I build high-end backend web systems for larger clients. Those two worlds meet more than people realise: night work keeps me sharp, observational, and calm under pressure, and development gives me structure, tools, and a way to turn messy reality into something organised and reliable. I move between logistics and people, processes and emotion and I try to bring the same steadiness to all of it.
I’m studying integrative psychotherapy and working toward BACP-aligned training, taking the work seriously as both a craft and a discipline. I’m learning how to listen for feeling, meaning, and pattern not just surface facts and how to hold a conversation with clarity, boundaries, and care. I practise active listening, empathic reflection, careful summarising, and I’m becoming more comfortable with silence and uncertainty rather than rushing to fix. I try to keep a trauma-informed, attachment-aware stance, noticing when anger, withdrawal, or control is really protection, and responding in a way that keeps dignity intact.
Alongside training, I’m also doing preliminary groundwork toward longer academic study a foundation for a future PhD in psychology by reading widely, writing consistently, and building a structured archive of ideas, references, and reflections. Interpersonally, I’m strongest in live environments where emotion is real and the stakes are practical: I can de-escalate without humiliating people, handle conflict without turning it into “winner vs loser,” and communicate cleanly through accurate documentation and clear escalation when needed. Technically, I’m a practical systems builder PHP/MySQL for reliable backends, HTML/CSS/JavaScript/jQuery for usable interfaces, Python for automation and reporting grounded in C/C++/Java and a networking/security-aware mindset that keeps what I build robust, traceable, and fit for the real world.
- Therapeutic presence - staying steady and attentive without rushing, performing, or filling space unnecessarily. This often means pacing the conversation, keeping tone calm, and letting the person feel met rather than managed.
- Active listening - listening for facts, feeling, and meaning at the same time. I check understanding, reflect back what I’m hearing, and avoid assumptions when the story is incomplete.
- Empathic reflection - naming emotion carefully and respectfully (without exaggeration). The aim is accuracy: helping someone feel understood, not analysed or handled.
- Clarifying and summarising - bringing order to tangled material. I summarise what has been said, highlight key themes, and help the person hear themselves more clearly.
- Open questions and careful pacing - using questions to open experience rather than interrogate. I slow things down when emotion rises, and I do not push for disclosure for its own sake.
- Containment - holding a conversation so it remains safe and coherent. This includes grounding, keeping the focus, and reducing escalation when someone is overwhelmed or reactive.
- Boundaries and the frame - being warm without becoming blurred. I keep clarity around roles, limits, and what is appropriate, particularly in settings where emotional needs can get displaced into staff relationships.
- Working with silence - not rushing to rescue or fix. Silence can allow thought, grief, or truth to surface; the skill is staying present rather than panicking.
- Trauma-informed sensitivity - recognising that anger, control, withdrawal, or confusion can be protective responses. I try to avoid re-traumatising dynamics: coercion, humiliation, pressure, or emotional intensity for its own sake.
- Attachment-aware thinking - noticing relational patterns such as pursuit/withdrawal, testing, distancing, or idealisation. The aim is steadiness and reliability, not reactivity.
- Transference awareness - noticing projections, idealisation, hostility, dependency, or “specialness” dynamics without acting them out. I try to stay grounded and not be pulled into roles that distort reality.
- Risk awareness and safeguarding mindset - noticing escalation cues and vulnerability markers, taking concerns seriously, and escalating appropriately when needed. Safety comes before pride.
- Ethical stance - privacy, discretion, and respect. Where I am “in training,” I make that clear, and I try not to imply I am offering therapy through this site.
- Respect - I keep dignity intact, even when someone is difficult or defensive.
- Clarity - simple language, clean explanations, no unnecessary drama.
- Stability - consistent responses reduce confusion and conflict.
- Boundaries - kindness without blur; firmness without aggression.
Interpersonal skills
Most of my work happens in live environments: competing needs, high emotion, social pressure, and real consequences. These are interpersonal skills I rely on to keep situations calm, fair, and workable.
- De-escalation - reducing heat without humiliating anyone. This means grounded tone, slower pacing, clear options, and refusing to mirror aggression back.
- Conflict handling - separating facts from emotion and finding the next workable step. I try to keep conversations from becoming “winning and losing.”
- Professional communication - clean emails, accurate documentation, calm handovers, and clear escalation paths. I treat communication as risk management.
- Diplomacy - saying “no” without contempt. I hold standards while avoiding unnecessary power struggle.
- Trust-building - discretion, consistency, reliability. People trust patterns more than promises, so I keep my approach stable.
- Emotional regulation - staying low-reactive under pressure. I try not to take bait, not to perform, and not to let pride decide my response.
- Pattern recognition - noticing recurring relational dynamics early (triangles, scapegoating, proxy behaviour, group splits) and responding before it becomes chaos.
- Stakeholder balance - residents, staff, contractors, managers: different needs, one stable approach. I aim for fairness, not favouritism.
- Leadership by example - calm structure, clean standards, accountable decisions. I prefer quiet competence over theatre.
Technical stack and languages
I’m drawn to tools that are simple, auditable, and maintainable. I prefer clean code and honest data. Here’s an overview of the technologies I work with or have trained in.
- PHP - building practical web tools: CMS pages, forms, authentication, exports, audit workflows, and admin dashboards. I value predictable logic and careful input handling.
- MySQL - structured storage with sensible schemas, indexes, and history. I use it for records, audit trails, searchable logs, and reporting.
- jQuery - fast UI iteration: modals, live filtering, event handling, and AJAX where it reduces complexity.
- CSS - responsive layout, clear typography, consistent UI components, and calm design systems (tokens, spacing, states).
- Other web technologies - HTML, JavaScript, JSON, REST-style endpoints, structured UI tables, and print-friendly layouts.
- Python - automation, parsing, data cleaning, reporting, scripting, and quick tooling.
- C - fundamentals: memory, pointers, performance, and how systems behave beneath higher-level code.
- C++ - deeper system design and performance trade-offs; building more complex structures.
- Java (and wider ecosystem) - OO foundations, APIs, architecture thinking, and the broader Java world of frameworks and project structure.
- Assembly language - low-level exposure: registers, instructions, calling conventions, and why details matter.
- Pascal - structured programming discipline and clarity of logic.
- Visual Basic - event-driven thinking and rapid tooling concepts.
Computer networking and systems
I’m interested in the infrastructure layer: how systems communicate, where failures occur, and how security problems emerge from ordinary misconfiguration.
- Foundations - OSI/TCP-IP models, subnetting, routing vs switching, VLAN concepts, NAT, DNS, DHCP.
- Troubleshooting style - isolate variables, verify assumptions, use logs and evidence, and confirm fixes.
- Tools mindset - packet/traffic inspection concepts, diagnostics, and clean operational hygiene.
- Qualifications - listed only when verified. I keep this section honest and use projects/practice to demonstrate capability.
Story
I work night shifts caring for people, buildings, and the stories that move between them. On the surface it looks like concierge work, but most nights it is part logistics, part quiet clinical thinking, part psychotherapy presence.
My background spans computing, internet application development, adult nursing, and integrative psychotherapy training. That mix keeps me practical and reflective: as comfortable debugging a process or a PHP script as I am sitting with distress, listening carefully, and holding clear boundaries.
East London is home. I support and look after my mum, and I stay grounded through my children and wider family. Night shifts are my rhythm; my promise is simple: be useful, be kind, and leave every place a little more organised and a little more human.
Short facts
- BSc Computing & Information Systems
- MSc Internet Application Development
- BSc Adult Nursing (former nurse)
- Integrative Psychotherapy (in training)